Changing on Purpose 1

18 August 2009, by A. Cedilla

Change. Some people avoid it more than they prepare for it, preferring to act like if they don’t see it, it’s not there. Does pulling a blanket over your head to keep the boogeyman out seem smart to you?

On the other hand, some prepare for it — and then fight themselves in accepting that it happens. I guess you know how this goes. You’ve just gotten safe, gotten comfortable, and then here it comes again, dammit.

You have to accept that change is inevitable. Ready or not, everything changes.

Kids grow up, adults too. Relationships evolve into different directions. Jobs come and go. Careers can be interrupted by events outside your control.

Everything changes. You do too, only your self-concept often changes more slowly than you would consciously see.

The key word here is conscious. Awareness of your ability, responsibility and power to change can bring you to places you’ve only ever dreamed of, and out of uncomfortable or painful situations you only thought were unchangeable.

For the most part, humans are resilient, adaptive creatures. We can tolerate some really painful events to achieve our goals, so it doesn’t always do to throw away everything you’ve achieved and built for yourself every time something new and sparkly beckons faintly over the horizon.

Don’t change anything unless what you’re changing for is better than the thing you’re changing –not because it’s the New Best Thing — how many of those have you seen come and go? And how many of those have you tried and didn’t stick with?

How will you know it’s time? When the pain of changing is outweighed by the pain of staying the same, you have to create the time to assess the situation clearly, and without blame or shame.

 

Ask yourself the following questions:

Do you want this situation to change? A decision without a strong motivation propelling you usually fizzles out. And leaves you weakened in self-respect and self-confidence.

In what direction? Establish a positive, concrete, life-affirming goal (or goals). Don’t use vague sentences like, “It would be good if I get my on-line business started this year…”

It would be better than good if you actually have a plan to set up an on-line store by this month to sell these products using this marketing plan, etc. Be specific, use measurable, achievable goals.

Using what resources available? List them down. List all of them down.

How can I take care of myself and my resources without draining either as I gear up to change? Sustainability is key. Momentary changes, like most New Year’s resolution, die out after weeks. If you want the changes you are making to stick, better set it up so that success is inevitable.

If you’re anxious and can’t focus on exactly WHAT you want to change in your life, sit down in a quite place and ask yourself the following questions on not-changing anything:

What will happen if I continue what I’m doing, using my current pattern? Answer as truthfully as you can.

  • Do you want that future?
  • Is that probable future something I really want for myself? For my family?
  • Am I ready to accept the consequences of what I am currently doing on this path, in this situation — to my self and others?
  • What do I really want instead?

Continued in part 2.

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