Changing on Purpose 2

17 August 2009, by A. Cedilla

If you’re committed to changing specific parts of your life for the better, you have to keep a few things in mind:

The belief that “successful choice = successful change” is misleading. It’s too simplistic. How will you know if the choice is a success? Success is relative.

For one thing, the concept of ‘success’ is different for everyone.

Turning down a drink is easy if you’ve never been one for liquor, but for someone who’s trying to save himself from drowning, that simple decision carries the weight of the world, and he has to make that choice hour after hour, and day by day.

For another, the choices we make don’t always result in the changes we want.

Think about the choices you made that resulted in situations that weren’t quite what you had in mind. The gift that wasn’t received in the spirit it was given. The business decision that tanked. The date that didn’t go well, to put it mildly. {more}

People rarely change pro-actively. It’s usually a growing discomfort with the status quo that prods them that there might, just might be a need to change.

Be aware of the inner resistance to changing; that is a normal reaction. Training yourself to move onward despite that resistance builds discipline, self-respect, and awareness of your growing capabilities.

And, realizing you can prepare, and that you can change your situation so you can meet the future without fear, gives you time to check out options, and that is priceless.

Here’s some general advice to help you along the way:

1) Find out what things or situations have hurt or drained you before. Save yourself some time and avoid them.
1.1) ID your pattern – how many times have you run into something like this before. “You forgot to ___, and then ____ happens. Every time.”

2) Create a vision — see things that aren’t there yet, and exercise your power to make them real.

3) Make a decision. It does not have to perfect. Perfect is an ideal. Ideals exist in the head, and we work towards the ideal in the real world. Make the best decisions you can for the real world, not the perfect decision in your head.

4) Let go. Release your attachment. Willing things to happen is all well and good, but realize that once you commit to action, it’s out there, in the real world. And in the real world, there is always stuff you can’t control. The only things you can control are what goes on inside you. Act, and let go.

5) Face the boogeyman. Okay, you have a hard time letting go. Be a pessimist and make up the worst case scenario you can think of, fueled by all your bad experience and nighttime fears. How likely is it that your worst case scenario will come true? See, it’s all in your head. That means you can control it.

6) Take action. Make the change.

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