24 August 2009, by A. Cedilla
It’s where you grow. Really.
It’s an inevitable step of the maturing process that some lessons stick the hardest because they hurt the most.
When we were young, we weren’t able to control ourselves when it came to dealing with discomfort. We howled at the vaccinations, shrieked at being told what to do, and lied like rugs to avoid being sent to the corner.
Later on, we balked at having to do our homework first before we can watch cartoons. Maybe sighed and rolled our martyr’s eyes at having to finish the chores, at having a curfew, at having to follow rules that were set to teach us discipline and how to take care of ourselves when we’re on our own.
It’s also normal to forget the discomfort we went through growing up to be where and who we are now. The nerves from driving a car for the very first time? Eh. The queasy feeling when you made a speech in front of a sea of classmates (or co-workers)? Hah. (Or maybe not.)
It’s also a natural part of the human psyche to avoid anything that disturbs the accepted status quo, what we’ve accustomed ourselves to as being ‘normal’.
That’s why so many people fear making public speeches. The fear (lets call it ‘negative anticipation’) of making utter fools of themselves keeps them from doing anything to overcome it. But as to driving and being able to go out when you want to? Heck, yeah! Everyone’s nervous the first time!
See? You may not like public speaking, but driving was the key to freedom, so you pushed past your nerves and kept trying until you mastered the necessary skills. You wanted one thing more than you did the other.
It’s the memory of pain — and the anticipation of it– that keeps us from pushing ourselves to our upper limits, or even our lower ones.
The anticipation of pain, whether in the form of rejection, failure, or even of accomplishment (and the additional responsibility that comes with it) is the major cause of why we often don’t change until and unless we’re forced to. We’ve gotten comfortable with where we are. It’s nice and we know it.
We know it, we know how to deal with it. It’s a familiar situation, and the comfy inertia in your inner view of the world is what keeps us there, stuck in a rut like a fly in amber.
How do you get out?
You find out what you really want, and you push yourself to go after it.
Find out what you really want out of your life. This is key. It’s identification.
Finding out what you want in and out of your life calls for an inner review of You, Thus Far. Using everything you leaned and experience, and hopefully more than a little self-awareness and self-knowledge, you dig out what you believe you’re here for, your Big Why’s.
Once you’re on the trail of your Big Why’s (admit it, no-one want just one Big Thing, we’re a greedy lot, we want it all) , it clears the way for what you have to do to live out your life to get (and live according to) your Big Why’s.
Life’s too short to live by second-hard dreams.
If you’re having a hard time with the process, break the rules, do a one-eighty turn, free-associate. Go after the Big Why-Not’s.
Go after What-Really-Turn-You-On.
Don’t ‘decide’ because someone else said, “Because I say so, so just do it”. A life by default is not a life at all, and the sad thing will be, you’ll only realize it after you’ve put in all that time.
You give up what you have for what you want more. This is prioritization.
The Biggest Losers did it. They had their various reasons for losing weight, their Why’s — getting into a wedding dress, regaining a college-age strong body, getting healthy to live a long(er) life with their kids — and they gave up sleep, ease, comfort food and old self-images to prove it. They gave up what they had (but didn’t really like and only tolerated) for something they wanted more.
Maybe they were afraid they’d never get it, that it wasn’t possible for them to, but they pushed past their discomfort and did it. They were true to their Big Why.
To part two.
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