26 August 2009, by A. Cedilla
From part one:
You do it proactively, not re-actively. This is calculation.
Outside of a gun battle, ducking and hiding is no way to face life. And lessons doesn’t stop even when you leave school. We forget that. (Go back to the first paragraph in part one). We remember the pain, and never looked past it for what we could learn from it.
Here’s the thing: Blaming yourself and/or others for making mistakes is human.
It’s also a waste of time, energy and focus, especially if you keep dwelling on it. Blame keeps you stuck. Learning helps you deal and move on.
If there’s ever a problematic situation in your life that keeps popping up and repeating itself, don’t say, “Why is this happening to me, again?”
Probably it’s because you didn’t deal with it definitively the last time, or you ignored it in the hopes that it would go away and die a quiet death.
Deal with things, walk through the pain (it won’t kill you), and learn the lesson so you’re prepared with a new skill or a new viewpoint that can help.
You change to the situation. This is adaptation.
Quick examples: Dressing like it’s still the Eighty’s (fashion). Reverting to sullen teen-hood when back under your parent’s roof (family). Not speaking up to present your good idea at the meeting (work).
People get stuck in their old self-images and live their lives as if they were still those people, with old modes of dealing with life. Adapting is changing to deal with the situation appropriately . Keyword: appropriate.
What do you do next?
You rest and re-assess. Ask yourself what you learned from the process:
- Were the actions I took the right thing to do? Did they accomplish what I wanted? Do I want the changes to stay?
- How did I feel afterward? Was it as bad as I thought it would? (Hopefully you realize by now that fear blows things out of proportion, and learning brings them back.)
- Do I want to keep doing this, and for how long? What can I adjust to make this easier?
You start the cycle again. You respond to life, and you learn that discomfort is not a bad thing, it’s just growing pains. And that’s not so hard after all.
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