Tag Archives: fear of failure

How To Use Scheduled Reviews To Stay On Track With Your Goals

12 November 2010, by A. Cedilla

In previous articles here on the JRox.com blogs, we’ve mentioned the importance of goal-setting, and of using your priorities to reflect, guide and support the goals you make for yourself. Today, let’s talk about how to stay on track with your personal goals.

First of all, let ‘s start with the premise that all important goals are deeply personal.

Even if you work within a company, or live and function as part of an extended family, or have a nuclear family of your own, when you set goals that are important to you, it’s not just because these goals can help the company, or your family, or the other important people in your life.

The goals you set that you value are valuable precisely because they reflect dreams, desires and targets that you deem important. The fact that they also serve, say, the company or your loved ones, is a reflection of your priorities, and a very beneficial parallel.
Continue reading How To Use Scheduled Reviews To Stay On Track With Your Goals

Jump! Using Momentum To Deal With Procrastination

12 April 2010, by A. Cedilla

Have you ever watched someone freeze on the dive-board at the swimming pool? It’s something to see.

Usually it’s a kid who just realized just how high the board is over the water, and freezes. From the vantage point of the swimmers in the water, it’s no big deal, just take the step, but for the poor guy staring down, taking that step is inconceivable. Unimaginable. Impossible, just — Aaaugh!

That’s what procrastination is. You freeze before the jump. It’s being stuck on the diving board, wobbling. The wobble is composed of worrying and catastrophizing, self blame, and inertia. You can’t move.

You can’t move.

So what do you do? Start. Start anywhere. Increase the wobble — build up momentum. And then jump.
Continue reading Jump! Using Momentum To Deal With Procrastination

Blowing Up Your Fears

02 April 2010, by A. Cedilla

Everyone gets bad days when it seems like everything’s going all wrong. Days when it’s all you can do to not to yell, or throw something breakable.

Days when you do throw your hands up, and seethe because you blew up over some small thing. Then you slide into dark moods, or funks that keep coming back, like ghoulish sock ’em toys that keep bobbing up no matter how many times you hit them.  They’re named Procrastination, Constant, low-level Anxiety, and Repetitive Thinking.

Underneath many of the behaviors that hold us back lies fear. We don’t like to think of ourselves as fearful, so our subconscious manifests this feeling in ways that aren’t as obvious as screaming and physically being frozen in terror. Everything is felt internally, so it’s inside that we feel weighed down, overwhelmed, unprepared.

Weak and powerless. Frozen, even. Unable to act constructively, or think clearly.

What other behaviors hold us back?
Continue reading Blowing Up Your Fears

Making Mistakes A Better Way

02 July 2009, by A. Cedilla

In the automatic, quick side-step to avoid mistakes, people forget that we learn the most from making them.

We remember the lesson more if we get hurt from it. Ever stuck a fork in an electric socket when you were young? Ever did it again? The memory of pain stuck the lesson home when you were a kid.

As an adult, it’s the fear of pain that can drive us away from learning more about ourselves, about the world, and about the good we can make in it if we dared to acknowledge our true capacity for inciting change.

Fear controls us by asking difficult questions. Mistakes can strengthen us if we muster the courage to answer them honestly.

What if I’m not good enough?

What if I am?

You’ll never know unless you test yourself repeatedly. That’s how you can earn self-confidence — you trust yourself more with everything you overcome and everything you learned to handle: the good, the bad, the unexpected.

If you’re afraid to find out if you’re good enough (or not) for sure, that fear prevents you from trying to grow, because you don’t want definitive proof that you’re as bad as you thought you were (“See, they were right all along.”), or as good as you’re afraid you could be (“All that time, wasted.”)

What now? What next? Continue reading Making Mistakes A Better Way

Go Ahead, Make Mistakes

30 June 2009, by A. Cedilla

One aspect of decision-making that people rarely want to talk about is the fear of making mistakes.

It’s almost never included officially in meetings, or committed to paper, and hardly ever addressed except in whispers behind closed doors, or outside the office where no one can hear.

Everything can be printed out neatly in black and white in a neatly bound business plan on your desk, or glowing softly on your monitor screen, but the target of this article is the quietly looming presence in the back of your mental theater for one, waiting for you to slip up so it can sneak in behind you and whisper silkily in your ear,  “Damn…I thought you knew better than that, you knucklehead.”

And you pause in indecision, paralyzed.

 

People grow up used to being judged and measured. It’s part of the socialization process. How else would your growth and progress be charted if it wasn’t acknowledged in comparison with your age-mates, classmates and peers?

The common wound we all carry from this part of the socialization process is the cast of internalized voices haranguing us non-stop and nagging us on what we should do, how we should be, how we should act, and so on.

We grow up to fear mistakes. Continue reading Go Ahead, Make Mistakes